I’m just new here and it’s been a while since I started writing blogs.
But this one is going to be my self-ventilation den.
Let me warn you that most of my blog post could be trigger-warning to some readers who get easily butt-hurt with negativity.
If you find my thoughts , nonsensical and absurd… get the fuck out because you’re free to do so.
I’m an outgoing person in real life, I socialize and not awkward to be with but sometimes I find it really suffocating to be around with anyone that’s why I mostly prefer to be alone. It’s complicated. I’m a friendly person and I do have friends but I don’t feel really important. Am I worth keeping for? I’m like a pathetic loyal dog who keeps on chasing people just to open up a fucking conversation. Connection? Getting-in-touch? is it really effective? People come and go and easily get separated once the other one gets overwhelmed to its new environment they’ll just leave like you’re “nothing”. I’m sick and tired of compromising it makes me overthink of things that keeps making my head throb and my mind unease.
No one should be blamed and no one is to be blamed why these unfortunate events keeps on happening to our lives. is it fate? is it my fate not to be too much attached to people? to the so-called “friends”?
At this point, I’m just like a “reversely” wolf in a sheep’s clothing: fragile and weak.
I kept telling myself to wipe out everything that gets in my way, thrash those people who have hurt me but memories keeps on playing inside my head that gives me a bittersweet trauma that I couldn’t escape… it is guilt? conscience? am I wrong? is it my fault? Is it wrong to care? Ah no, I felt like I was meddlesome. I thought and felt that they find me “meddlesome”.
I appear to be optimistic but truly I am nothing but a pessimist.
I’m tired, not tired of living but to compromise in society.
I’m sick of it.